question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
