paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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