I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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