It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
