Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
