Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Randomize
