Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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