You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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