Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
