you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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