Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
