Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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