I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
