I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
