I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
