My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
