I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
