i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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