just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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