Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
