office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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