well I can't set my house on fire every night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
