i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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