So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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