I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
