they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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