I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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