Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
