i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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