wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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