Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Vodka?
Forever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
