my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
