my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
