Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
