so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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