return my video game
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
