I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
