when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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