She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
