I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
