using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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