There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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