Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
