I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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