So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
