party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
