I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
