Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
