I'm jealous of your bromance
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
