I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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