she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need water and some morals
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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