whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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