so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
