those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
