She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Everyone says I win the strip club
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