Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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