I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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