I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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