I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
