Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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