hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
