PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
