i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
