I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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