I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
