over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
