I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Randomize
