I'm drive I can fine osifer
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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