hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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