You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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