If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
