drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
